...is a Fake Anorexic #3

Since writing my last blog I noticed a lot of interest centred on the term “fake anorexic”. I never suspected it would be such a common Google search.

In my previous posts I spoke of Jane*, a girl I used to work with who constantly complained to be fat and started vocalising radical eating habits that she didn’t commit to.

Jane is not in any way suffering with an eating disorder. She drank Mountain Dew every day, never skipped meals and snacked on chocolates and candy whenever she went to gush over herself in the staffroom mirror. I had worked with Jane for two years before this started so I know exactly what she is like. I know she likes to be centre of attention, and the fake anorexia saga came after her stalker,  a love affair with her college professor and being a successful fashion blogger – none of which are true.

This is what I meant when I said that Jane was fake anorexic. I monitored her eating of course, and regularly invited her for a date night with food and cocktails. It was just clear she liked to say things to get a reaction – a trait I have noticed a lot of people use.

Nowadays Jane has been demoted to Facebook Friend only, mainly due to work commitments. But in the last few years I’ve realised the term is more boarder than initially thought.

I’m no expert and this is just my opinion, but I think that the fake anorexics can fall into three categories:

      1.      ATTENTION SEEKER – Like Jane, someone who likes to get a reaction from people. They like to have people fussing over them at all times and don’t like it when someone else attempts to steal the spotlight. Without knowing them well or knowing their personality; it could take time to realise they aren’t telling you the whole truth. However it is important to mention – sometimes people say things to get attention because they actually need help. I’d say always monitor the situation, like I did taking Jane for food or bringing in snacks to work.

      2.      THE FANOREXIC – The hype of the media about skinny being beautiful is everywhere. I’ll not bother with the lectures here - but with every mannequin, magazine spread, perfume advert, is it any wonder why people go on diets or skip meals? I don’t think a fanorexic is the same as someone who attention seeks. Whereas they want attention, a fanorexic would prefer to just be seen as “normal”. I get this, I suppose this is what I used to be when I left school and I’d calorie count because I didn’t want to gain weight like my sister. I’d say it wasn’t like having a real disorder – there was no underlining fear, just a worry that I could become fat.

3.      RECOVERED ANOREXIC – Alison* used to suffer an eating disorder pushing twenty years ago. If she had not disclosed this to me then I would have assumed she was a Fake Anorexic because she only eats porridge and salad, will vocalise not being able to eat any treats like chocolate and fusses endlessly about needing exercise. It can be a little annoying listening to her, but I wanted to say that it is important to understand the difference between Alison and Jane. I imagine that I will talk a lot about each of them in this new blog – highlight the differences between.

Any Eating disorder is a potentially fatal. What Jane does seems to knock its seriousness – I mean it’s like someone pretending to have cancer just to get empathy.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I cannot change Jane. She is who she is. What I can do is take pride in how I deal with people like her. If anyone has similar stories or different views, please share them. Again I am not a doctor, this is only my opinion.

Love Nikki

 

 

 

Returning from a Long Hiatus

It has been nearly three years since I last wrote on this blog. So I've decided to continue with it.

 

The premise is the same - I'm still going to write about the lives of friends / colleagues and family. I will still be talking about the situations I have come across and had to deal with in the hopes that maybe it will help someone else in the future.

 

Since my last blog update I have had three jobs, a handful more friends and problems, dealt with deaths and marriages and births. I have lost friends for various reasons and still struggle to deal with those who profoundly attention seek.

So Welcome and I hope this is a place where you will discover that sometimes, being just a friend of a friend who... is still a real rollercoaster ride. 

 

 

Love Nikki

xx

 

 

 

...husband died

Is there love after true love? 

Roughly this time last year, in an Army cemetery somewhere in York a funeral was taking place. The deceased happened to be a friend's husband who - unlike what you are thinking - was killed when a lorry driver fell asleep at the wheel and plough into their car. Jack* and Sophie* were married a grand total of six weeks before this accident, was barely pregnant and lovingly caring for their year old daughter.

They were both 22.

And, whilst I and several other friends attended another wedding, their lives were shattering, ending and changing in ways that no one wanted. In that one moment, Sophie's life as she had declared to God not even two months ago was over.

Now, a whole year on, Sophie is a widow caring for beautiful daughters who are to go through their whole lives never even meeting their father. But though these girls may never know this dad, does that mean that they should be denied a dad? Should Sophie live forever as a widow or meet someone and love? 

A lot of people comment that it's "too early" for her to consider this. But why is it? We all know that she loves Jack; that a part of her will always, always love him for the reasons that include such fondness over their short marriage, their children and memories. That link is as strong as the diamonds in the wedding ring she will never remove, and that should be enough.

Be it tomorrow, next month, next year or next decade, we should wish the best for everyone. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy. Who is it for us to tell someone when and who to love? 

May Jack rest in peaceful slumber.
May Sophie live in precious simlpicity.

...who's boyfriend has cancer #3

Mood swings, childish tantrums and other fun side-effects of chemo...

 

 

It's been a while - nearly two months - since I last blogged and for Louise and Jackson, it's been a pretty horrendous time.

 

Jackson's been pretty bad lately. The last two sessions of chemo were upped so he has been violently ill throughout his five day hospital stay and then bed bound for the next week or so. Seven months in and the viciousness of his sickness and the means of beating it has started to creak into his everyday attitude. And this has resulted into several more side effects leaking out.

 

• Aggressiveness and mood swings: When I say aggressive its more as he is shouting and such. I understand that it must be so frustrating to have to ask for help when doing things you should be able to do. i.e. shower. But when he shouts at Louise her timescale of brushing it off as "harmless chemoffects" is getting longer...
 
• Tantrums: Also stems from his limited choice and suffocation of assistance. He "wants to be listened too", yet as a 24 year old male - doesn't understand that what he wants, and what is the best thing for him are two separate things. And things that are sometimes going to clash.
 
• The Giving Up Factor: A friend of my fathers who died of throat cancer last year was said to have given up once he was diagnosed. And recently Jackson has showing classic signs of this. He has missed several MIR scans, hasn't gotten out of bed nor had the want to talk. This was so bad last week the Lou had to call his mum and get her to come up just so she could get him to have a shower. 

 

 At 23, it seems we're all being shoved into a world that is not meant for our eyes. It's like knowing something all our friends cannot physically or mentally understand - showing a child that it is only their father in the Santa costume...and considering in March this relationship was merely causally sweet and chirper, Louise has suddenly lost herself in HELL. In a way, her family, our friends and his friends have too. 

 

And yet; I am so unbelievably proud of her. Louise is the most strong-willed and powerful force I know. Seven months on and [hopefully] five more left... and if anyone can handle this hell - there is no doubt it's her. 

 

One day I hopw to show her this blogged calender and we will share the horrors and understand that because of this horrendous year we can appreciate life more so. That she became strong and able a f***ing amazing role model.

...is the EX #2

When is it okay to cull an ex from Facebook?

Usually straight away, though it is highly dependant upon how that little “ex” appeared in front of the “girlfriend/boyfriend” title. For one friend, it was an automatic delete-and-block moment after she found out about some unfaithful behaviour. Another, after the relationship ended like a candle burning itself out, is still very good friends with her ex.

Then there is me and Darrell. Okay we weren’t in an official relationship, he never met my parents or friends nor I his and yet we spoke every day for a whole year and spent “dates” in his room. A fling for lack of better word, though I’d be lying if I said I didn't want something more.

And then he got back with an ex - which he never had the balls to tell me. Period.  [This is covered in the last post].

So 8 months have gone now and I want to cull him from my life. To move forward without a constant reminder that he’s with the one who broke the heart I spent the last year rebuilding for him. But would culling make me look bad and bitter?

Okay admittedly I sometimes still FB stalk him. Though I've gotten better with only a monthly check up. And quite recently discovered it is still painful to see him with her. The betrayal - because that is what it is - of our friendship if not our relationship is painful.

If our friendship meant not even a message to tell me he was seeing this girl, when should I bother taking the high road? 

Should any of us bother with fake pretences?

...is dealing with grief* #2

Because I couldn't have said it better myself:

This poem was read for my grandfather at his funeral, spoken my his best friend amidst floods of tears. I have no idea who wrote it, where he got it or it's reasoning for existing. But this sums up my grandfather so precisely, its almost like it was written about him. This weekend we are spreading his ashes in a place he loved. May he find restful slumber.

"Qualities of Greatness”

Great men are rare, their passing then
Is mourned alit, by gods and men.
A man is great, not by wealth or high birth,
But my character and sterling worth.

A man of principles so high,

That none can bully, none can buy.
A man who holds as bond his word,
Who dare be different from the herd.

A man who sees his duty clear,

Is ruled by justice, not by fear.
Who for the poor is quick to fight,
Does only what he thinks is right.

Who has a sense of humour too

Is greatly loved by all he knew.
Who is not afraid to be
Always himself – a man is he.

*this is about me not a friend.

...has developed New Boyfriend Sydrome #2

Cracking Pet Peeves – Or not cracking under the pressure of Pet Peeves.

Admittedly I surrender myself to two pet peeves; traits that hinder my usually calm, collective natural practically useless. And sadly one friend harbours both and every time we meet it’s like tackling my own private Everest. [Or at least one of many I deal with everyday]. Cue Laura*

Pet Peeve No. 1 = Lateness. In my whole life the longest I have been late for a meeting of any kind is roughly ten minutes and that was always due to things out of my control. Act's of god or public transport. Etc.

Tonight I waited an extra 57 minutes for Laura to cometh around for some little things I needed to give her. And during those fifty seven minutes I sat down, got up and walked around, fed the pets and typed a chapter of randomness and whilst growing angrier and angrier until I felt like breaking something. Or ranting - which is my new self harming method.

Verdict: if you are going to be late. Let people know!

Pet Peeve No. 2 = Text conversations during dates. I.e. Laura does this all the time. We can arrange a meeting - and as I said in the last Laura post - they are few and far between nowadays, she'll recieve a text and BAM. Cyber date between her and her boyfriend and I am left feeling like the third wheel. In. My. Own. Home!

One text for politeness is dandy. Fourteen in the space of an hour - just leave and get a bleeding room!

I am still very green about dealing with pet peeves. I guess it helps that I've known Laura for fourteen years so I know her pretty well. Mainly I occupy myself with other things and repeat over and over again that there are more important things in life than being angry about someone's personality traits.

You canny change other people. You can only change yourself to cope and move swiftly along.