...husband died

Is there love after true love? 

Roughly this time last year, in an Army cemetery somewhere in York a funeral was taking place. The deceased happened to be a friend's husband who - unlike what you are thinking - was killed when a lorry driver fell asleep at the wheel and plough into their car. Jack* and Sophie* were married a grand total of six weeks before this accident, was barely pregnant and lovingly caring for their year old daughter.

They were both 22.

And, whilst I and several other friends attended another wedding, their lives were shattering, ending and changing in ways that no one wanted. In that one moment, Sophie's life as she had declared to God not even two months ago was over.

Now, a whole year on, Sophie is a widow caring for beautiful daughters who are to go through their whole lives never even meeting their father. But though these girls may never know this dad, does that mean that they should be denied a dad? Should Sophie live forever as a widow or meet someone and love? 

A lot of people comment that it's "too early" for her to consider this. But why is it? We all know that she loves Jack; that a part of her will always, always love him for the reasons that include such fondness over their short marriage, their children and memories. That link is as strong as the diamonds in the wedding ring she will never remove, and that should be enough.

Be it tomorrow, next month, next year or next decade, we should wish the best for everyone. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy. Who is it for us to tell someone when and who to love? 

May Jack rest in peaceful slumber.
May Sophie live in precious simlpicity.

...who's boyfriend has cancer #3

Mood swings, childish tantrums and other fun side-effects of chemo...

 

 

It's been a while - nearly two months - since I last blogged and for Louise and Jackson, it's been a pretty horrendous time.

 

Jackson's been pretty bad lately. The last two sessions of chemo were upped so he has been violently ill throughout his five day hospital stay and then bed bound for the next week or so. Seven months in and the viciousness of his sickness and the means of beating it has started to creak into his everyday attitude. And this has resulted into several more side effects leaking out.

 

• Aggressiveness and mood swings: When I say aggressive its more as he is shouting and such. I understand that it must be so frustrating to have to ask for help when doing things you should be able to do. i.e. shower. But when he shouts at Louise her timescale of brushing it off as "harmless chemoffects" is getting longer...
 
• Tantrums: Also stems from his limited choice and suffocation of assistance. He "wants to be listened too", yet as a 24 year old male - doesn't understand that what he wants, and what is the best thing for him are two separate things. And things that are sometimes going to clash.
 
• The Giving Up Factor: A friend of my fathers who died of throat cancer last year was said to have given up once he was diagnosed. And recently Jackson has showing classic signs of this. He has missed several MIR scans, hasn't gotten out of bed nor had the want to talk. This was so bad last week the Lou had to call his mum and get her to come up just so she could get him to have a shower. 

 

 At 23, it seems we're all being shoved into a world that is not meant for our eyes. It's like knowing something all our friends cannot physically or mentally understand - showing a child that it is only their father in the Santa costume...and considering in March this relationship was merely causally sweet and chirper, Louise has suddenly lost herself in HELL. In a way, her family, our friends and his friends have too. 

 

And yet; I am so unbelievably proud of her. Louise is the most strong-willed and powerful force I know. Seven months on and [hopefully] five more left... and if anyone can handle this hell - there is no doubt it's her. 

 

One day I hopw to show her this blogged calender and we will share the horrors and understand that because of this horrendous year we can appreciate life more so. That she became strong and able a f***ing amazing role model.