...is a Fake Anorexic #3

Since writing my last blog I noticed a lot of interest centred on the term “fake anorexic”. I never suspected it would be such a common Google search.

In my previous posts I spoke of Jane*, a girl I used to work with who constantly complained to be fat and started vocalising radical eating habits that she didn’t commit to.

Jane is not in any way suffering with an eating disorder. She drank Mountain Dew every day, never skipped meals and snacked on chocolates and candy whenever she went to gush over herself in the staffroom mirror. I had worked with Jane for two years before this started so I know exactly what she is like. I know she likes to be centre of attention, and the fake anorexia saga came after her stalker,  a love affair with her college professor and being a successful fashion blogger – none of which are true.

This is what I meant when I said that Jane was fake anorexic. I monitored her eating of course, and regularly invited her for a date night with food and cocktails. It was just clear she liked to say things to get a reaction – a trait I have noticed a lot of people use.

Nowadays Jane has been demoted to Facebook Friend only, mainly due to work commitments. But in the last few years I’ve realised the term is more boarder than initially thought.

I’m no expert and this is just my opinion, but I think that the fake anorexics can fall into three categories:

      1.      ATTENTION SEEKER – Like Jane, someone who likes to get a reaction from people. They like to have people fussing over them at all times and don’t like it when someone else attempts to steal the spotlight. Without knowing them well or knowing their personality; it could take time to realise they aren’t telling you the whole truth. However it is important to mention – sometimes people say things to get attention because they actually need help. I’d say always monitor the situation, like I did taking Jane for food or bringing in snacks to work.

      2.      THE FANOREXIC – The hype of the media about skinny being beautiful is everywhere. I’ll not bother with the lectures here - but with every mannequin, magazine spread, perfume advert, is it any wonder why people go on diets or skip meals? I don’t think a fanorexic is the same as someone who attention seeks. Whereas they want attention, a fanorexic would prefer to just be seen as “normal”. I get this, I suppose this is what I used to be when I left school and I’d calorie count because I didn’t want to gain weight like my sister. I’d say it wasn’t like having a real disorder – there was no underlining fear, just a worry that I could become fat.

3.      RECOVERED ANOREXIC – Alison* used to suffer an eating disorder pushing twenty years ago. If she had not disclosed this to me then I would have assumed she was a Fake Anorexic because she only eats porridge and salad, will vocalise not being able to eat any treats like chocolate and fusses endlessly about needing exercise. It can be a little annoying listening to her, but I wanted to say that it is important to understand the difference between Alison and Jane. I imagine that I will talk a lot about each of them in this new blog – highlight the differences between.

Any Eating disorder is a potentially fatal. What Jane does seems to knock its seriousness – I mean it’s like someone pretending to have cancer just to get empathy.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I cannot change Jane. She is who she is. What I can do is take pride in how I deal with people like her. If anyone has similar stories or different views, please share them. Again I am not a doctor, this is only my opinion.

Love Nikki

 

 

 

...is a fake anorexic #2

A Nice Way to say "Shut the Fuck up"?

NB. Jane is not Ana, and I hope people who think I'm ignoring a potentially fatal disease read my previous post on Jane, before judging.

Sometimes going to work is like I've stepped back in time and am back in high school. And I hated high school. I have to deal with gossip, bitching and arguements and of course, Jane. And, at 23, I am now pondering if there is ever a nice way to say "shut the fuck up!"

So, two new fads that Jane has come up with are A: extremely expensive protein bars from the USA that are 200 cals and are meant to be both breakfast and dinners. Okay, for anyone wanting to lose weight they are probably very effective, but when you're Jane you NEED to take it that one step too far.

And that means insisting - to everyone - that this will be the only food intake that day. And the famous quote she has ever came out with "I want to be Heroin chic!". I know, you're asking why right?

B: Today I had to endure her express she was on a "diet" 9 times in six hours, went into detail about only eating salad and constantly moaned she was dizzy and her legs were wobbly. Urgh. Of course she screamed the place down when a friend offered her one hard boiled sweet to taste its sourness and refused to eat anything... until said friend had gone and I caught her eating several of these sweets in secret.

And no matter how much I love Jane, this is getting old very quickly. Now the summer has come I am in a sink, swim or slap scenario. I cannot handle this false act. Anyone else I would have probably left in tears by now, but Jane is my co-worker and my friend so its not like I can slap her and scream at her...

So time for the ole faithful: the little white lie. "Jane, you're worrying me when you talk about this stuff, so please be careful and tone it down for me so I don't worry all the time, okay?"

I'll keep you up to date on how Jane and my relation is coping.

...is a fake anorexic

Firstly let me clarify, Jane* is not anorexic. My mum worked in an institution for girls suffering anorexia and drilled into my head that it is a serve illness. Those girls who could hardly stand looking at their reflections were sick. Jane is not.

What Jane is, is a certain type of Attention Seeker I like to categorise as being a Black Hole. She is constantly in need of being the epicentre of attention - and selfishly sucks everyone to her by any means. And saying she doesn’t eat – which is a massive difference than actually not eating – is just her latest method of this.

Recently (after her "stalker" ordeal ended) Jane has started becoming vocal about her weight issues. The size 10 Jane complains constantly to be fat - she is not. It is also not a case of Body Dysphoria - please let me express that - Jane just needs to be THAT girl; the Queen Bee, the It-girl, the Sun everyone orbits. It’s who she is.

I'm sure that everyone must know/have known someone like this, who constantly searches for empathy (albeit false) and fashions up stories and such when she is not receiving it. Do I think she does this intentionally? Yes and No.

An example? Jane proclaimed that she had only eaten a slice of toast that morning, and that was all she planned to eat that day. I explained that form of “dieting” didn't work but Jane knows best, of course.

This annoyed me two fold. Firstly I think that anyone faking an illness as complex as anorexia makes the whole issue degrading and takes away its severity. Secondly four years ago I was calorie counting obsessively myself so understand what a slippery slope that can become.

So I rarely bother taking her on when Jane starts talking about this. Mood depending, I will range from nodding once and changing the subject, giving a simple reply of "oh, be careful then" to just walking away. I've found that if you want to keep the friendship (or if you have to keep the peace) then the best way is to not fuss over such things.

When I was younger my sister had a friend who was exactly the same way. She would constantly complain of being "fat" and as everyone else gushed over her ribs that protruded from her chest, I merely agreed with her. Bad form I know, but since all she would do was sulk I learnt that not giving false sympathy is better for MY mental health. There are a lot of people that need my empathy, sympathy and pity and I plan to give them it all when needed.

My advice would be not to get into it. As I understand, a real person suffering from anorexia doesn't vocalise it so much, aren’t seen drinking Mountain Dew at 120cal per can or snacking on crisps and chocolate. People with Body Dysphoria don't carry around large make up bags and gush over their reflections all day and don’t wear revealing dresses on nights out.

I cannot change Jane – or slap her across the face – but I can take pride in how I can hold my tongue and nod along. I am going to monitor her eating patterns of course, be ready to act if she starts actually starving herself, but other than that (and ranting on here) I will just have to wait until she discovers another venue for us to get sucked into.

Nikki