As some Friendship Rite of Passage Rule, one day every friend is going to have to deal with the turmoil of a friend's heartbreak. That heartbreak can range from a simple crush-gone-wrong-mope to heart-wrecked-in-the-middle-of-an-ocean-of-despair. Either way one thing is certain; that friend is in need of lifesaving and you are the life jacket.
So what do you do at eleven pm when you're in your PJs reading for bed and your friend calls in hysterics that only dolphins and years of friendship can decipher?
Initially I was happy - sort of. I have never really liked Grace's* boyfriend for several reasons. Bias-ly speaking, I think him manipulative and lazy, who doesn't deserve the effort Grace pours into the relationship. Nevertheless when I got that phone call I was "on it like a car bonnet" and out the door and driving to her house within five minutes - slippers and all.
By the time I got there, Grace had decided she was going to drive to His house and discuss the matter. Something I objected to immediately. I told her that there was no way in hell I'd let her get into that car in such a state because those six miles could be fatal in such mind frame. Instead the only option I gave was me driving the twenty minutes to his house, wait outside for them to chat and then bring her back (three hours later).
But being a friend of a heartbroken friend doesn't end there. Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that a breakup can succeed more than several days. Grace will probably still be moping about a month from now. After all He was like another limb to her - a lifeline - that she has to learn to not be with.
So, I offered myself to her - gave her a key to my house, called in sick so we had a week to talk and attempted to cheer her up with the three cures that have been tried and tested by yours truly: Bailey's Haagen-Dazs Ice cream, Wine or something similar and either a horror movie or a horror video game.
I allocated time for the tears and the anger - which was usually just before we went to sleep - and I would listen and offer up my opinions and options, sprinkling a handful of hope and promise when needed. I'd tell her that maybe in a couple of months when He had gotten himself a little more stability (and a job) he may feel differently and that there is a point in life where you have to think about whether attempting to fix something so broken is worth the effort or not. Hurtful words probably - but I have found that a sugar-coated version of the truth is better in the long run than the lies and garbage she wants to hear.
And frustratingly this is all I can offer. That and perhaps a couple of laughs. It's times like this I wish I was some superman, who knew exactly what to do and when to do it. But I am not. And Grace seems somewhat better now - i.e. she ain't bursting into tears over all the little comments we keep unearthing about breaking up and whatnot.
It's going to take time. And whether that time frame is a month or a year, I am going to always have my phone on, always offer my shoulder and if she needs someone then she knows exactly who to come to.
Nikki
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