...just found out her boyfriend has Cancer

In my life there have only ever been two friends that I have both admired and envied simultaneously. Both hold an incredible strength that I doubt I could ever achieve. I could never face such hardship with a chin raised so high and think the are both utterly amazing people. True inspiration to anyone.

The first one is Hannah* who last year saw her husband of SIX WEEKS die in a horrific crash where a lorry driver ploughed into their car. Hannah not only had to make the decision to turn off his life support but also had to deal with being freshly pregnant and raising a one year old daughter.

The next friend is Louise*, who told me two months ago that her on/off boyfriend of four years had cancer. And as she faces a year of driving him to hospital appointments, taking him to chemo and working long hours then spending the rest of her time taking care of him; I am faced with the utter hopelessness of being just a friend of a friend.


Me and Jackson* are not friends. I do not approve for reasons I will not get into, yet never would I have wished this hell upon him nor anyone else. But I have to delve into the reality where I very rarely see Louise, rarer still go on our regular nights out or crazy back packing adventures. Understandable but still a little difficult to get used to.

Overall, as Louise has put her entire life on hold – in a way so have I. Back in January we had a lot of plans for the upcoming year: get a house together, go travelling, visit Rome and other European places and set up a small but hugely successful business etc etc etc…

And as frustration flushes through me, it is immediately followed by guilt and leaves me wondering what I'm meant to feel. I’m no relation to Jackson - I haven’t seen him for nearly a year because of our clashing personalities. But that doesn’t mean I don't worry about him. I do. Constantly.

But I also worry for Louise. At 23 can she handle this planetary burden? How can I explain without hurting her feelings that she needs to think about herself too? At this moment in time she is sacrificing her whole future because she hasn't  been studying her last weeks in school...

I want to help. Of course helping would be either curing cancer - which I am not smart enough for, giving them money to cope with their financial hardships - which I am not rich enough for, or just being right here, ready when she needs to talk. 

I told her the day she told me, a simple statement that sees me (and hopefully her through). 

"You have to be his walking stick, that constant stronghold that is there whenever he reaches for assistance. But I promise you, from this moment on - I will be yours"

And I mean it.

Nikki